


to prove i am the one who can walk that mile, until the end starts

by qetbackhonkycat



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26933272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qetbackhonkycat/pseuds/qetbackhonkycat
Summary: their last meeting
Relationships: The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 70





	to prove i am the one who can walk that mile, until the end starts

**Author's Note:**

> if you thought I was going to write every iteration of their last meeting, then you'd be absolutely correct
> 
> back again with the same old thing
> 
> now I know this is probably very out of character for the captain and probably the same for havers so do excuse me. it feels incredibly rushed so I'm very sorry for that.
> 
> anyway, pls enjoy! and as always pls let me know what you think

"I don't want you to go, Havers."

"Sir?"

"I don't want you to go," The Captain gets up from his desk and walks around to the front, "I- I would prefer it if you didn't."

Havers was about to leave, he had his hand on the door handle, ready to turn to leave the room, and leave his Captain. 

Havers had entered the office to inform The Captain he's leaving a lot earlier than planned. The Captain knew he would be leaving, but never imagined it would be so soon. 

"I don't quite know what to say, Sir."

"You don't have to say anything, Havers. Do ignore me. Letting my emotions run away with me, hey?"

Havers chuckled, though it wasn't genuine.

"Nothing wrong with that, Sir. We do tend to feel emotion from time to time. All part of being human, I imagine."

Havers smiles - hopeful. Havers has walked back into the centre of the room to meet The Captain. They're bordering on too close for professionalism. 

"Maybe so, Havers. Maybe so." A pause. "Drink? Before you go."

Anything to break the awkward silence, really. Anything to get him to stay a bit longer. 

"Yes, thank you, Sir. Just a quick one, don't wish to be late."

The Captain is pouring their drink, his back to Havers. 

"What time will you be off then?" He looks to where the window would be in front of him. The curtains are drawn, it's dark out. 

He knows full well what time Havers is leaving, he just said not too long ago. He says it to make conversation. He says it to remind himself that they don't have much time left together.

"1800 hours, Sir. Approximately 90 minutes from now, to be exact."

The Captain lets out a breath and turns around to hand Havers his drink.

"One for the road then, Lieutenant."

"Thank you, Sir." 

They both take a sip of their drinks in silence. They each take it in turn to watch the other, narrowly missing each other's gaze. 

\------

"So, you don't want me to go?"

They're both sat in the chairs at the front of The Captain's desk.

Their knees were almost touching. If one of them were to move slightly, they'd be able to brush the other's leg, make contact. 

The Captain coughs. He pauses.

"Oh, ignore me, Havers. That was just me being an old, sentimental fool."

"Maybe so, Sir, but you did still say it."

Havers has a smile but it's tinged with seriousness.

"I don't quite get your meaning."

The Captain stills, eyes fixed with Havers. 

"Well, I would quite like to know as to why you said it."

The Captain fiddles with the cuff of his left sleeve. Havers notices. 

"I said it because I meant it, I suppose."

"You suppose?"

This is uncomfortable territory.

"Well, I- I said it because I meant it. There."

Havers is quite taken aback. He didn't think he'd actually get something close to honesty from his Captain.

"Well, I suppose if we're being honest, Sir, there are reasons as to why I don't wish to go myself."

"Nonsense, Lieutenant. You wanted- want to go. I know you want to contribute to the work done out in the field. The attitude of a good soldier."

"All that being said, there are still reasons I don't wish to."

The Captain wasn't one to pry, but something told him Havers wished to share. 

Havers sits back in his chair, he takes the last sip of his drink. The Captain notices. 

"Here, let me get you another."

"Sir, it's-"

"Oh, another one won't hurt."

He's panicking. He knows he's panicking. He's coming undone and he's trying to get Havers to stay. Havers will notice.

He pours them both another, breathes and turns around to hand Havers his drink once again.

"Thank you, Sir."

Havers takes a small sip and places it on the desk.

The Captain returns to his seat. His right leg brushes against Havers'. He lingers, looking straight ahead as to not draw attention to himself. He then sits. 

"Reasons you don't want to leave?"

He doesn't know why he's asking, but part of him admits he is intrigued to know, especially when he's leaving so suddenly.

"Hmm?"

Havers is smiling. He's always smiling. He wonders how he manages it.

"You mentioned there are reasons you don't want to leave Button House."

"Yes."

"I must admit I'm intrigued."

They both stare at each other. Havers laughs and looks down as to hide his face. The Captain swears his heart just missed a beat. 

"The house for a start. It's astounding, beautiful."

"Quite." The Captain takes a large sip of his drink. 

"The work we do here. It means a lot to me. It's important."

"Quite." He takes another sip of his drink.

"The company." Havers is quieter now.

"Oh?"

"The company. I like to think I've made acquaintances, companions. Friends."

Havers looks to meet The Captain's eyes. 

"Oh?" The Captain repeats.

"I would consider you a friend, Captain. Although you are my commanding officer, I like to believe we have developed a friendship over the time we've spent together." 

Havers leans forward. The Captain feels his temperature rise. No one has ever called him a friend, not since he was a young boy. 

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

Havers laughs. The Captain pulls a puzzled face. 

"It'd be nice to know my sentiments are returned."

"I am sure I said earlier that I didn't want you to go, Lieutenant."

The Captain smirks and Havers can't believe it. Havers laughs, a full laugh and The Captain struggles to breathe. 

"That you did, Sir. That you did."

They both take a drink and sit in silence. They're smiling at each other. The both of them not wanting to be the first to look away. 

"You're a good friend, Sir. One of the closest I've had."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Havers."

The Captain blushes and scoffs. 

"Whether it's the courage of the drink, or the impending time limit, I feel I must admit something to you, Sir."

"Oh, there's no need for confessions, Havers."

The Captain shifts in his seat. He doesn't know what Havers is going to say. He doesn't want to think about what Havers is going to say. They do not and should not talk openly. He is his commanding officer. 

"I think there is every need." Havers sits forward, on the edge of his chair, "This needs to be said."

The Captain blinks and nods, allowing Havers to carry on. He has a feeling Havers would have spoken anyway. Havers was very strong-willed in that regard. It was one of the things he admired about him. 

Breaking The Captain from his thoughts, "I'm afraid I've become increasingly fond of you."

The Captain blinks. 

"More than is considered appropriate. I say I'm afraid, however, I'm not, and it may just be the drink but I feel you return my feelings. I know I haven't imagined the way you look at me when no one is looking - when you think I'm not looking. I know the look because I look at you the same way. Please tell me I'm not imagining it. It would kill me otherwise."

The Captain is just staring. He's staring directly at Havers, looking like he's been caught in headlights. He's gripping his drink with his left hand and the side of the chair with his right. 

"I'm- I'm afraid you're mistaken, Lieutenant."

"No. I'm not. I'm not mistaken. I know, I know _you._ "

"Well then, you must not _know me._ You're incorrect."

The Captain stands up suddenly and goes to the covered window and pours himself another drink. 

Havers follows.

"Then why are you pouring another drink?" Havers is stern. 

"Can't a man have a drink in his own office, Lieutenant?" There's bite to his words. 

"Not when he doesn't normally behave like this."

"Ah, yes, because you _know me._ If you know me, and care for me as much as you say you do, then please, Lieutenant, do tell me why you are so intent on leaving?"

Havers looks as though he's going to say something but he's just mouthing words, nothing is coming out. 

The Captain swigs half his drink, slams the glass down and stares ahead. 

"I'm leaving because I have to." It's quiet, even though Havers is right next to him. 

The Captain turns to face him. "You don't have to."

"I do. I need to go. I need to aid in the war effort. I need to do my bit."

"You are doing your bit, here!"

The Captain exhales, way too forcefully for a composed officer. His hands are shaking. 

"I cannot remain here and listen to you convince yourself you don't feel the same."

"That isn't what this is about."

"Of course this is what it's about! It's what it's always been about." 

"I can't give you what you want."

"Why?"

They're practically screaming at each other. They are stood inches away, both breathing heavily.

"Because it's wrong! I am not letting myself go. It's weak. No, I am a soldier. We're at war, Lieutenant."

"Not everything you are is a soldier. You are a man, first and foremost. You have feelings." 

"Then that is where you are mistaken."

Havers sighs. It's a long sigh. He knows he's beaten. He knows there's no getting through to him. He knows him, and that is exactly why he knows that it's done.

Havers moves closer to place his hand on The Captain's arm. It's barely a whisper:

"Say the words, and I'll stay."

"I can't- I can't do that." 

"Then I can't stay."

The Captain looks down - to avoid looking at Havers, to hide the tears that have begun to form, to hide in shame, to hide his cowardice.

Havers moves back slowly, and assumes his position. 

"It's been a pleasure working under you, Captain. You are a fine commander." 

The Captain looks up and nods. 

"Havers."

Havers lingers. Their gazes linger. He salutes.

Havers turns to leave, his hand ghosting the doorknob.

A look back, and he's gone.


End file.
